Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Break-ups and the Atonement

Disclaimer: This might be hard to understand. I can be a bit confusing. It's a little tough to put into words.

Tonight was a tough night for Sara. She has been seeing an RM, Zach, since the end of this past October. They weren't taking it too seriously and were taking it slow. He is a super good guy; I approve, that accounts for a lot. Not divulging or going on with too many details, she broke up with him tonight. She didn't feel he was the right one and she didn't want to lead him on, he felt it was right. He was completely crushed and she is heart-broken. She came home tonight, right afterwards, and broke out into tears. She is always smart and strong, even now she is, but she is hurting.

I talked to her for a little bit after she had been alone in our room for about ten minutes. After I left the room for her to call her mom, I let my tears flow. I just feel so sad for her. I wish she wouldn't hurt so bad. I wish Zach wouldn't hurt so bad. It wasn't some big, dramatic event or mistake. Sara felt it was right, and she thinks Zach eventually will, too, but for now it is painful.

This is such a miniscule event compared to all the hurt in the world, but it has made my mind race. Thinking about how much I love Sara and wish I could take her pain away, it only brings me to think about Christ. This break-up has caused a lot of sadness. It is nothing compared to losing a loved one, or a failed marriage, or sickness, or tough situations or choices, or injury, or abuse, or a boatload of things. There is so much pain everywhere. There are so many constant hardships all around us. The love I have for Sara and how much I wish she wouldn't hurt or how I would rather take on that pain for her, I can't imagine how a mother or father, or just someone closer than Sara and I, feel for their children or loved ones and hurt so much more than in this situation.

I can't imagine how many times stronger those feelings and desires are in Christ. How could Christ have suffered so much pain? How could He have done what He did for every single one of us? How could He have loved us so much? How can He love us so much? How can we even begin to contemplate or imagine as powerful of an event, as the Atonement? How could He have come down to this place from His throne above? How could He have given up His life for us? How could He suffer through people like us tormenting and persecuting Him to such a great extent? How can He have so much love for us individually after our negligence, our unbelief, our constant veering from the path, our weakness, our pride? How could He have been so willing?

I have been so curious about the Atonement this semester. My mind is constantly being driven to it. I have not even begun to understand the power of it. My prayer is that I will always focus my mind and heart on Christ, His love, His sacrifices, and His ultimate sacrifice. I pray that I might always build upon my faith and knowledge and everyday be able to understand it just a fraction of a bit better. I pray that Christ will always be the center of my life.

A hymn in relation.
We sang this at the end of Devotional today. It's absolutely beautiful.
Number 129
"Where Can I Turn for Peace?"

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease
to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart,
anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know,
where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand
to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


D+C+R+K said...

wow nenna, you are a good writer.

Sarahe said...

miss jenna,
thanks so much for the valentines! I hope you had a great day!

Tara said...

Jenna, that was wonderful. Thank you so much for being willing to share your testimony. You are a great woman and I feel blessed to be able to feel your spirit, even through the blog! :) That hymn has been one of my favorites for a long time, it is always so relevent and comforting.

Tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KellyAnne said...

I love love love this song. It meant a lot to me during college too.
I haven't checked your blog in forever... maybe when I switched things up I didn't get you on my list somehow. I'm going to check that out!